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“Rainy Day Blues” is more than just a folksy ballad from Willie Nelson, but an actual phenomenon. Many studies have shown a clear correlation between sunlight and positive mood, whereas rainy weather can be the nemesis of positive affect. Indeed, research reveals a higher prevalence of depression in parts of the country with more rain and cold weather than their sunny, balmier counterparts.

I experienced this firsthand when I moved from the blazing sunshine of Arizona to the cloudier skies of the Midwest. It was almost jarring, and it incredibly affected my mood. I became a jiu-jitsu master in combating the rainy-day blues. There are several simple steps you can take to increase your happy vibe. Being proactive is your best umbrella against an internal downpour.

Foremost, make sure to open all the blinds and shades to let whatever available natural light in. Engaging in mood-boosting activities will be difficult and not very motivating if your place feels like a dark, oppressive dungeon. 

~ Exercise: If it seems obvious, it’s because it is. Exercise is one of the easiest and quickest ways to boost endorphins, increase serotonin, and release stress. When it’s gloomy outside, you can find virtually any exercise class or video on YouTube. You may even discover a new indoor physical activity that you love. (Zumba, anyone?) As little as ten minutes of activity a day can boost your mood.

~ Catch up with Besties: My friends are the 911 on my emotional speed dial. There’s nothing more beautiful than being lifted by the love of family and friends. Moreover, there is overwhelming research showing the benefits of social support on happiness, and by social support, I mean actual connection and not “likes” or heart emojis on social media. So, reach out and touch someone! Call a loved one or catch up with a bestie—and watch your mood take flight.

~ Uplifting Music: Psych yourself up with music. It works. (Try staying mopey while listening to Pharrell Williams’s “Happy”; it takes some serious sad-face commitment!) Create an upbeat mix for your life’s soundtrack. Easier yet, tell Alexa to play songs from the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s or whatever musical genre that is your motivational call-to-arms. Music has been shown to reduce stress and depression while improving mood, cognitive skills, memory, and health. In other words, tune into a happier you.

~ Cook: It’s a great distraction, keeps you busy, and makes the house smell wonderful. Nothing like homemade soup or chili simmering on the stovetop to stave off any outside chill. One rainy day, my kids and I made homemade pasta and sauce. It was awesome and is now their requested rainy-day menu. On days when time is limited, they are just as thrilled with grilled cheese and tomato soup. It’s really just serving up some warmth and love.

~ Meditate: Another practice that increases happy neural pathways is—drumroll, please—meditation. If you’re feeling resistant, do a guided meditation to take the brain- work out of it. There are excellent apps that make the pursuit easy and not nearly as intimidating. It is clinically proven to be an effective foot soldier for happiness. The mood is already set with the soothing drumming of raindrops, so light a candle and try it. You have nothing to lose but the blues.

~ Reframe the Situation: The frame through which you view a situation determines your point of view. When you shift the frame, the meaning often changes. It’s literally the cheapest yet most valuable redesign you’ll ever do. When the weather turns foul, we repurpose it as we have been now given a “snuggle” day. Whether that is lighting a fire, cozying up under soft throws, or making hot chocolate or tea…the day becomes a gift rather than something to endure.

The bottom line is you don’t have to let the occasional rainy day dictate your state of mind. It is what you make of it…as is everything in life. I’m not saying you have to tap dance and sing in the rain like the old movie classics (although I bet that would be epic), but there are simple habits and exercises you can incorporate into the next rainy day to boost your internal sunshine.

Let the sun shine in. Literally.

On one of the many occasions I have done something so outrageous that totally mortified my girls in recent memory, they went into full-blown incognito mode—slouching all the way down in their seats—to avoid being seen in the car with me, after which they elaborated in great detail how lucky I was there were no video receipts of my behavior, or I’d be “totally canceled.”

After laughing about it (raising teenagers requires humor, forced as it may be at times), it got me thinking: What else in my life would call for a “cancellation”? No doubt about it, I’ve had my fair share of missteps and mistakes on this journey of life. Some will haunt me until I reach those pearly gates. Others just “mortify” me upon recollection. Gaffes. Unintended hurts. In- discretions. Harsh words. Infidelity. Social insensitivity. Gross judginess. Jealousy. Intemperate temper. Planet carelessness. Big breaches to little hiccups, like having too salty a tongue (never met a curse word I didn’t like). I mean, the list could go on and on (let’s not forget root perms!).

We all have our proverbial crap. For my part, I can honestly say that my missteps are never choreographed with malice or ill intent. Not that this absolves me, but I do like to think that I’m quick to apologize for any errant behaviors (although I’m sure some of my exes may beg to differ). I do make a point to legit apologize to my children when I make a mistake, and I try to teach them that changed behavior is the best “I’m sorry” you can give.

All in all, it’s a powerful redemptive cycle: F*ck-up → Acknowledgment → Apology → Grace → Forgiveness → Redemption → Growth. That forgiveness hurdle can be a tough one, however, and many of us have trouble clearing it—whether as the givers or the receivers. Notice what comes before forgiveness in the process I just laid out: grace. You can’t fully appreciate the beauty of gratitude without taking in the scenic majesty of grace. They’re intertwined.

There are so many exquisite literary explanations of grace and its place in theology and life. One of my favorite no-non- sense takes on grace comes from Bono, whose profound words aren’t solely limited to his super-cool lyrics. He’s quite the philosopher, all-around badass, and champion for good. He said, “You see, at the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, what you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics; in physical laws every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It’s clear to me that Karma is at the very heart of the universe. I’m absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that ‘as you reap, so you will sow’ stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff.”

Haven’t we all? Back in the day, I think I did some at a U2 concert. And a Stones concert. Definitely at some Grateful Dead shows.

I love how Bono worded his explanation of grace. Love interrupts the consequences. I think about that often. I count so much on God’s grace, yet at times struggle with extending it to others. I really struggled extending grace to my cheating ex-boyfriend, making forgiveness even more difficult. I mistakenly conflated grace with tolerance—felt that if I truly extended grace, there would be no consequences for his cheating. I gave great “I forgive you” lip service without really meaning it or practicing it. Meanwhile, my passive-aggressive words and actions were constantly reiterating that he was a cheater. It was like constant background music. Literally, I sang “Bed of Lies” by Nicki Minaj to him. On more than one occasion.

When you don’t extend grace, it serves as a kind of prison to the person seeking forgiveness, never allowing them to step out of the narrative, out of the label, out of the mistake. And when you are boxed in, you can’t grow, be different, or be better. You can never reach the redemptive part of the cycle. Think about it. If you plant a tree in a small container and keep it in that container, the roots begin to circle around the pot until there is no potting soil left. Eventually the tree can girdle/ strangle itself and die due to lack of space. Boxed in, it can never thrive and flourish. The same holds true for people. Whether you “hold” someone big or small, they will meet that space.

Grace sees beyond our mistakes. And thank goodness—because do you want to be defined by your mistakes? God knows, I don’t. The theologian and clergyman who wrote the beloved hymn “Amazing Grace” had previously been a slave trader. He went on to become an ardent abolitionist. Grace redeems.

Every time you don’t extend grace, you’re withholding love.

I read a Pinterest post (gotta love Pinterest) that stated: “Grace means that all of your mistakes now serve a purpose in- stead of serving shame.” Just sit with that for a sec. I love, love, love that. Grace transforms and recontextualizes. Mistakes are now your teacher, not attacker. You can’t fall from grace. In actuality, grace catches you when you fall in its loving embrace.

Given my litany of screw-ups, flaws, and mistakes, I’m so grateful for God’s grace. Whereas His love carries me, it’s His grace that sets me free. It allows me to move past and forgive myself as opposed to being held bondage by those inner demons of guilt and regret. Grace escorts any guilt or shame out the back door, thus opening the possibility for transformation.

Grace allows people to step out of the shadows of their mistakes and missteps—and become.

My best friend is the master of the pause. It’s his legit superpower. He grew up in an environment that was often saturated with reckless words, and he was committed to showing up differently. Some people really don’t get the power words can have to hurt or to heal. I’ve been guilty of that throughout the years, and it’s not something of which I’m proud. I strive to be better with my words and reactions. Constantly.

My friend is the most thoughtful person that I’ve ever encountered. And when I say thoughtful, I mean measured in the expression of his thoughts. No matter what the topic or question, he’ll always take a pause and collect his thoughts before answering. It’s an incredible thing for an emotive, East Coast Italian like myself to witness; it leaves me in awe.

You could say I hail from a family of reactors, with not always pretty results. I mean, they call it a nuclear reactor not a nuclear responder for a reason. It blows sh*t up. Some of my past reactions have had that unfortunate distinction. I’d make excuses and rationalize that hey, I’m passionate. I have a big, ebullient personality. I live big and love big. Looking back, I can see that all I was doing was rationalizing my lack of self- control. I can embrace the power of the pause and still have a big personality, and I think that’s the greatest way to love big.

Love lives in the pause.

Mindfulness creates space between events and your reactions, between thoughts and your words. It creates a layer. A buffer, if you will. One of my favorite quotes, probably because it addresses my struggle, is attributed to Viktor Frankl: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Response versus reaction. Freedom versus being held hostage by your emotions. Let’s look at the difference between the two. A reaction tends to be instinctual: an instantaneous response to a person or situation without much thought given to the outcome or consequence of the interaction. It’s largely unconscious. It could be favorable or not, depending on your feelings, depending on your mood.

Some reactions are necessary. Survival instinct, defense mechanisms, all that good stuff. I’m not talking about those scenarios. Of course, react away in those instances. I’m talking about everyday events and challenges, when it’s not life or death or necessary to react quickly: conversations with loved ones, colleagues, friends. A response is a reaction all grown up. Matured. Tempered by the conscious as well as the unconscious. It takes the outcome into consideration and responds according to the desired result. It harnesses the power of the pause and transforms itself from an emotional crapshoot to emotional intelligence.

A reaction is about the moment, whereas a response is about the outcome. A response is the thinking person’s reaction. So how do you learn to respond rather than react? Mindfulness.

I know, I know—for some of us this sounds so esoteric, so out there. My Virgo mind tends to like concrete solutions, easily definable. How the heck do you quantify mindfulness? You can’t. Yet the things that tend to be the biggest stretch/challenge for me (meditation, affirmations, mindfulness) are ironically the very mechanisms by which I see the greatest results.

Again, it’s not that difficult. It just takes awareness and practice. And before you claim that you’re stuck in your ways and can’t learn new tricks like mindfulness, I call bull. And I was thoughtful in that response, promise. Recent research supports the effectiveness of mindfulness training in teaching older adults how to respond and not react. Findings suggest that mindfulness can simultaneously improve cognitive and emotional regulation, which may be particularly beneficial for older adults. And that’s really what a response is: self-regulation. It’s not a reactional free-for-all. So, buckle up buttercup, you, too, can learn to harness this superpower. Your heart and health will thank you.

And your loved ones will too.

Mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment— noticing your thoughts, feelings, body sensations, and the world around you. Mindfulness is the stopgap to your reaction when you’re feeling triggered (e.g., someone cuts you off in traffic; a coworker sends a snarky email; your spouse forgets your anniversary). Before being triggered though, let’s start practicing mindfulness a few times throughout the day. Just because. Why wait for the sh*t to hit the fan? By practicing mindfulness throughout the day, you’re priming the pump for when the inevitable trigger hits. Kinda like a dry run.

Mindful pauses are wonderful for your peace of mind, triggered or not. By simply taking a minute or two to check in with your body and mind, breathe, and notice your environment, you’re setting yourself up for success later down the line as well. Habitual practice enables its natural occurrence when faced with triggering stimuli. Our goal is to dial down the unconscious autopilot of emotions and tap into the conscious response—which I promise is a way better driver. Fewer bumps and harrowing curves.

Triggering stimulus alert. What do you do? Take a mindful pause. Breathe and buy yourself some more time. Allow yourself to feel the emotion and take a step back from it, like an observer. The distance allows you to contemplate a response. Examine the circumstances and all possible explanations. Research indicates that mindfulness encourages cognitive flexibility, a fancy term for generating alternative explanations. It’s seeing the big picture, not just your narrow view.

What are your thoughts? What are you feeling? Label that emotion. Notice any sensations in your body. For me, it’s like I can literally feel the blood pressure rising like a tsunami on the inside. Some feel a tightness in their chest or throat. Continue to breathe. Count to five. Now throw a throat punch. Kidding. Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.

Pausing. Checking in. Noticing self and surroundings. Breathing. Contemplating the response. Considering the outcome you desire. Getting perspective. If there’s time, you could even play the movie in your mind. Visualize your potential responses and how the resulting scenarios may play out. It’s not rocket science. Your emotions don’t have to control the show. You get to choose your response. No one can make you angry, resentful, or sad without your permission. Think about that. I mean, really think about that.

There’s power in that.